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Wednesday, December 29, 2010

we chase the things that run away.

Principle of attraction #1: We chase the things that run away. Obviously, I mean if what we wanted was sedentary there wouldn't be any sort of chasing involved. But the point is that what we chase is running away, the point is that we are chasing it in the first place. You would think that by now we would realize that the things we are chasing are only running away because they DON'T want us to catch them; I mean if they wanted us, they wouldn't be running in the first place. But yet there is some perverse effect that always accompanies chasing. Since we were 5 years old we would run away from the other kids of the opposite sex on the playground. It was a game. The boys would chase the girls or vice versa, but it was a sort of flirtation tactic. So from a young age, we are taught that someone or something running away from us actually means that they want us to chase them. I mean the best part is always the chase, right? You may say yes, but it also is the most tiring. And what if what we are chasing actually does not want to be chased and is actually trying to escape? Well, then you just look like a desperate idiot.

Mind games were so much simpler when we were only 5 years old. They were more fun too. Now, they just suck. But one thing is still the same between our pediatric play dates and our present lives. Everyone always seems to be chasing the same thing. It's like there is one prized possession that everyone wants. And yet, it always seems to be one of the first people to give up that actually gets the prize. I remember in elementary school when we would chase the boys around the school yard; it was usually the first girl who stopped and waited for the boy to finish running around the circle that caught him. Its smart. Let the boy run around in circles and he will eventually end up where you are waiting. But where's the fun in that.

So here is my dilemma. I'm tired of chasing after things that are running away, but at the moment- everything is running away. I'm at the point where I have to choose what is worth wasting my energy on and what is running into an endless abyss of God knows where. It's hard to decipher what is running because it wants to be chased and what is running because it wants to get as far away from me as possible. I know my dreams want to be chased- dreams are MEANT for chasing. But it's the other things in life that I'm not sure about. Is He worth chasing? Is He running away? Or is He the five year old boy on the playground waiting for me to chase him around tirelessly until the bell rings?

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

patience is a sucky virtue.

Patience is a virtue. Unfortunately I am not so virtuous in this aspect. I think the majority of the world sucks at being patient. We hate having to wait. We call in orders so we don't have to wait for them to have it ready, we just go pick it up and it's done. We call stores to see if they have what we want so that way we don't have to wait around looking for something that may or may not be there. We even get impatient waiting for our Starbucks to be ready in the morning. I mean I don't know about you, but I feel like it takes the barista like 10 minutes to make my Carmel Brulee Latte in the morning- even if it really only takes 3 minutes. I know I hate waiting. I especially hate waiting for something that may or may not happen.

I feel like most of the time, we spend waiting for something we want to happen but we don't necessarily know if it will. Then we get angry when it doesn't happen and we feel like we've wasted our time on nothing. I feel like this happens all the time. I know it happens with me. I mean with music I always wait in hopes that I will get to work with an amazing producer who has a hit song ready for me. But that usually ends in disappointment when the producer gets "too busy." I mean come on being "too busy" is the lamest excuse in the book. At least come up with some believable, creative, and entertaining excuse. Like tell me you are going to go study at an Ashram in India or you are traveling to Switzerland to go become a Chocolatier. I don't care but don't tell me you are too busy. This is my future we are talking about. I care too much about it to accept "too busy" as an excuse.

But I feel like we wait the most for people we like. The human heart can't help but feel the way it does. It has its own volition and prerogative and it just feels what it feels. You can't program your heart to like someone nor can you tell it to stop liking someone. That's what sucks about love. You can't help but feel the way you do. So as our heart aches for someone, we think "well maybe he/she just needs time." We try and tell ourselves that they will eventually fall for us too and then we will live happily ever after. And don't get me wrong, sometimes it's worth the wait and you get your fairy tale ending. But most of the time, we waste a bunch of time and energy waiting for someone to fall for us. One of my friends told me that you can only wait so long for someone to fall for you before you have to realize that if they haven't fallen for you yet then they aren't worth your time. But that doesn't mean we can stop liking them. It's not that easy.

Waiting sucks. I get it. I agree. It sucks. I wish I could be patient and be able to wait things out, but that's not the kind of person that I am. I swear I have some form of ADD or ADHD because I just can't pay attention or sit still and wait for something to happen. I have to do something and be pro-active and get what I want. I'm slowly realizing that that is not the most effective way to succeed. Sometimes you just have to wait it out. And yeah sometimes it won't pay off and you'll hate yourself for wasting time, but sometimes things are worth the wait. You'll never know unless you wait and see.

Monday, December 6, 2010

it's really hard to predict your future when you have absolutely no idea where its going.

I'm realizing that right now, at this moment, I am basically planning my future. With every choice I make, I am somehow shaping my future. With every submit button I push, with every quick-take question I answer, with every essay I type, I am basically deciding my future. But something that I am also realizing, is it's really hard to predict your future when you have absolutely no idea where its going.

I'm not just talking about school though. I mean I am, but it also applies to other aspects of my life. I mean with school, I have basically decided my future, but I don't exactly know what I chose to do. I already applied to schools and had to decide my major, my minor, and my emphasis. I could tell you exactly what I chose for each one, but could I tell you why? kind of. I know what I want to do with my life, but it has absolutely nothing to do with my schooling. So basically my education is my back up. But I don't know what my back up plan is. I have absolutely no idea where the degrees I'm going to get are actually going to take me. Life is so unpredictable. I mean I know my parents didn't plan on watching this economy sink like the Titanic. Otherwise, they probably would have chosen more stable professions. I am kind of scared of where the future is leading because there is no way to even guess where it will go, so there really is no way to prepare for it.

I kind of feel the same way with choices I make outside of school. Like if my music dreams play out, I'm going to need to become really good really fast at everything: guitar, piano, singing, theory. But I don't want to waste my time doing something that will actually have no relevance to my future. I also don't want to prioritize incorrectly. I mean I feel like I already have. I put my social life before my school work which has probably screwed me over, but at this point, it's too late to care. I've enjoyed actually meeting new people and making the friends of a lifetime. I wouldn't trade that for anything. But part of me worries that I've missed something. Like what if I didn't meet someone that I was supposed to? What if I missed an opportunity that I should have taken? What if I was too oblivious to notice someone or something that could have changed my life.

I'm probably over analyzing it because that's just who I am, but like i said, it's really hard to predict your future when you have absolutely no idea where its going. I guess part of the adventure in life is enduring all its ups and downs. Part of the mystery of life is going through it pretty blindly. I mean I feel like I'm blind folded  on Wheel of Fortune and Pat Sajak and Vanna White are asking me to pick a letter, but I can't even see what word I'm trying to spell. It's like I'm doing a crossword puzzle blindfolded. It's really hard to spell out your future when you don't even know what you're trying to spell out. Oh well, we're already traveling down life's path, it's too late to turn back now. Might as well keep guessing which path to travel at the fork in the road. Just hope that the path you choose doesn't lead you to a cliff. That would suck.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

You're not CVS. Stop being there for their convenience.

We all know that we should never make somebody a priority when we are only an option. Options are only there at your convenience. It's like clothes. I know typical girl thing of me to say, but it works. When you look at your clothes, you have jeans, shorts, tank tops, jackets, sandals, boots, etc. All options. You only choose to wear what's convenient for you. You where jeans and boots when it's cold and shorts and sandals when it's hot. Or unless you're, as facebook puts it, a "weather confused slut," then you wear uggs and shorts... but anyway my point is that you only use the clothes that are convenient for you. Well at this point, I'm done being the gladiator sandals you shoved into the back of your closet. I'm not saying I want to be rainboots either. I'm saying I don't want to be clothes, I'd rather be... your air, something that you need everyday.

I feel like we get too comfortable being there for people whenever they need us. In a way it's like saying we are second best. We aren't the first choice, but we'll have to do. No. that's not the way it's supposed to be. We can't keep putting ourselves out there for other people, we aren't a CVS. We're not convenience stores. Ha! I thought that was pretty funny. But just do me a favor. Don't be somebody's Steve Madden zip up boots. Don't be somebody's leather jacket. Don't be somebody's Abercrombie shorts. You're not an option for the day, you're the choice of a lifetime.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

the show goes on.

Everything happens for a reason. No body knows why. Accept those facts and move on with your life. I know I use those sentences in almost every blog, but with each re-post of those words, I start to believe it a little bit more. The facts are easy to understand, but hard to completely accept. Especially when it comes to heart break. My greatest fear in life is a broken heart. It's the only ailment that cannot be fixed with medicine, stitches, or a kiss from mommy. Sorry Advil, but even your potent pain killing power can't ease the pain of a broken heart.

Break ups suck. Period. End of story. Kind of. Remember that there is always an optimistic outlook on things, even if it's hidden by a brick wall- it's still there. The way I look at break ups is, it's God's way of saying it's time to let somebody else know how amazing you are. It's God's way of exemplifying the oh so pre-school lesson that "sharing is caring." There's no doubt a break up is awful; you are saying good bye to something that has been such a huge part of your life. But the fact that break ups suck is common knowledge, like 2+2=4. We get it. But what people don't seem to understand is that a break up is just God's way of helping us make friends, forcibly make friends. Maybe even open our eyes to a friend that has been there all along- a friend that maybe should be more. You just never know why God threw that little hiccup into his plan for you, but it's there for a reason.

Life is unforgiving; it doesn't stop for any reason. Just because our worlds stop when our hearts are broken doesn't mean the real world does. It's one of those things where our worlds are run by our hearts, but the real world is run by some omnipotent being that does not no where the off button is. Life is like a movie. A really long, gigantic movie. A break up is like losing your costar. Just because you lose your costar does not mean the movie ends- it just means that the writers will come up with some crazy spontaneous event that explains your costar's sudden disappearance. Then the casting director will find you a new costar. And the movie will continue. Except in life, your brain plays the role of both the writer and the casting director. You come up with some excuse justifying why the break up happened, and then you are out on the hunt for your next partner in crime. The next Brad to your Angelina. But just remember, no matter what happens in life- the show goes on.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

I think that in life, everybody needs something to believe in. It doesn't matter if it's God or any other spiritual being, but I think believing in something is essential to our emotional and spiritual survival. But not only do we need something to believe in, but we also need someone to believe in. A role model. A hero.

Role Model (noun): someone worthy of imitation

Hero (noun): a person distinguished by exceptional 
courage and nobility and strength

Now that we have cleared up the ambiguity of the terms role model and hero, I can finally move onto my point. I'm honestly really tired of celebrities living up to our low expectations of them. I feel like we expect celebrities to abuse drugs and alcohol, get DUI's, have more hoes than Santa, and shave their head when they have mental break downs. It really bothers me how they are fully aware that their lives are under a microscope, called TMZ, all the time, but still do stupid things. I also understand that it's the outrageous things they do that keep them at the high level of social status. But instead of doing something outrageously stupid, let's try something outrageously self-less.

It also bothers me when celebrities, whom young children look up to, wear inappropriate clothing. I mean there is this thing called underwear that normal people wear, especially when they wear skirts and dresses. There are also these things called dresses, pants, shirts, shorts, skirts, and jackets. I'm sick of watching talented artists and actors walking around in a loin cloth and pasties. Let's try and dress more appropriately, especially for your audience.

I think celebrities take for granted that we actually care what's going on in their life. We want to know who is dating who, we want to know who is wearing what, we want to know where they are going and why. Yes I know this makes us all sound like stalkers, and yes I know that twitter has not made it any less creepy; but its human nature to be curious. So when celebrities complain about getting their pictures taken, I want to scream. I would LOVE for people to care about what's going on in my life. I can barely get people to listen to what I have to say or ask about what I'm doing, let alone get them to actually care about it.

So while celebrities complain about how the paparazzi are following them around like a love sick puppy, there are people putting their lives on the line for our freedom and safety. I went to dinner with a friend of mine the other day who is a marine and he told me all about his time spent at Quantico. Hearing what they went through for so long really made me realize how much of a wimp I am and how much I take for granted. There are soldiers who are risking their lives for us all over the world, just so we can be safe and live in a country where we pride ourselves on our freedom. There are firefighters and police officers who save us from harm and come to the rescue with just a single phone call. There are doctors and EMT's and surgeons who are ready to save our lives as soon as we need help. I never realized how lucky I was to live in a country with such an amazing safety net. I never realized that every where I go, I'm surrounded by true heroes who never get the credit they deserve.

I'm not saying celebrities aren't worth a moment of TV time, that's definitely not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is that we allot so much time on TV and the radio to listen to the lives of celebrities and their "woes," when there are other things that deserve more air time, like the hidden heroes in our country. We also need to start paying more attention to what's going on internationally. I know that there are some enemies amongst countries in the world, but we also have to realize we are all people. We all have blood running through our veins. We need to bond together and help each other out. We all need to be a hero to someone. 

I know I look UP to my younger brothers. Yes, I did say younger brothers. One of my younger brothers is so in shape. He is only 15 and he is extremely healthy, fit, and enjoys staying in shape. I wish I could say the same. He definitely got the more athletic genes in the family. If you ask me to go to the gym or run once I'm watching TV on the couch, I will look at you like your are completely crazy and bury my head back into my cheetah snuggy and finish watching my Law and Order SVU marathon. My brother, however, would get up, get his shoes on, and go. He's just one of those people who enjoys staying healthy. I really look up and him for that. My other brother is a bit of a handful. He's only 5, but man is he demonic. He looks angelic with his blonde hair, pale skin, and blue eyes- but what you don't see are the little devil horns growing in. But what my little brother taught me how to do was to love. He has such innocence and intelligence at the same time. But it's his kind heart, that I don't really acknowledge as much as I should, that showed me how to really love someone. I'm lucky enough to have my role models in my own house and my heroes almost everywhere I go.

So if you get the chance, re-evaluate what you look for in your role models and heroes. I'm not saying celebrities do not serve as good role models. I think Beyonce and Bono are extremely amazing role models. But really think. Are you looking up to them because they are good people, or just because they are in Christian Louboutin heels.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Smile. Your enemies hate it.

It's so difficult to put on a front that you are completely fine and better off without someone. I get it. I've been there. In fact, I'm usually always there. Whether it be a best friend or a boyfriend or girlfriend, it's really hard to show people that you are okay- especially when you're not. But my mom has always told me, "The opposite of live isn't hate, it's indifference." The best revenge is almost no revenge at all. In fact, seeking revenge shows someone that they hurt you so badly that you feel the need to use your time and energy plotting to get them back. Yes, I know it's hard not to post statuses about how upset you are, or post song lyrics about someone breaking your heart and now your broken, etc. But as stupid as we want to think they are, they do know that those statuses are about them. And they do think we are pathetic.

The best way to get back at someone who has hurt you, is to show them that they really didn't phase you; in fact, they actually held you back. The best revenge is success. It kills me when I see or hear about people I really hate and how successful they've gotten. It makes me feel like I wasn't good enough for them, like I was the reason they weren't succeeding. It makes me feel like they are better than me. And let me tell you. It sucks. Like a lot.

I now know that the best way to get over a fallen friendship or a broken heart is so focus on yourself. Focus on school. Focus on getting healthy and in shape. Focus on your future. Focus on work. Focus on things that affect you and your well being. That way, when you finally have that awkward run-in with an ex-friend or ex-boyfriend, they will feel like the idiot. You'll look great, feel great, and you will have the great success stories to back you up. I know that the last time I was heart broken, I started going to the gym, paying more attention in school, actually doing my homework, and I focused on singing. When I awkwardly ran into the douche bag at the movies, he came up to me and said that I "looked amazing." My response? "Yeah, I know." He was definitely taken aback by my new confidence because when I was with him, I was so self conscious and insecure. Then we proceeded to catch up, telling each other what was going on in our lives. He continued to tell me that he was failing half of his classes, lost his job, and got busted for weed. Then I proceeded to tell him that I had great grades, was booking modeling jobs, and signed with a record company. Boy was he impressed. Then he invited me to hang out with him after the movie. I laughed in his face, walked away, and continue to ignore him to this day. Moral of the story? Don't piss me off or break my heart. Just kidding, that's not the actual moral, but it's good advice. Again, just kidding. But the real moral of the story is: being successful is attractive, even to people whom you thought would never talk to you again.

So my advice to you is smile. Be successful. Re-prioritize so that you put yourself first. You will feel better, look better, and you will definitely catch the eye of people around you. Just remember a smile is your finest suit. There's no way you'll end up on fashion police. Your enemies? That's another story.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.

Everyone has heard the biblical quote, "Love thy neighbor as thyself." If we were all to love each other as much as we loved ourselves, the world would be even worse than it is now. Now a days it seems no body realizes how great they really are. Yes there are those few balloon heads who have enough ego to feed a third world country, but the majority of people I know have such low self confidence. Contrary to the general belief, people usually blame themselves more than they should. If something goes wrong, it's somehow always are fault. We weren't pretty enough. We weren't skinny enough. We weren't cool enough. We weren't athletic enough. We weren't rich enough. We weren't good enough. That last one kills me.

I know personally, I never feel good enough for anything or anyone. I cannot tell you how many times people have told me that I am a "jack of all trades, but a genius at none." I also cannot tell you how painful that is to hear. It really sucks when people tell you that you are capable of everything, but not actually good at any of it. I always feel like I'm good in school, but not good enough. I'm a good dancer, but not good enough. I'm a good singer, but not good enough. So I've basically trained myself to think that I'm not good enough at anything. Or when something goes wrong in a friendship or a relationship, I always think I did something wrong, that I wasn't good enough for them. I never even contemplated the fact that maybe they changed.

There are so many people that I see on a daily basis walking around looking down, shoulders hunched over, insecurity out for the world to see. We all need to start appreciating how amazing we really are. We are all beautiful in someone's eyes. We are all intelligent in someone's eyes... some more than others... but God gave some people more beauty than brains, and that's perfectly okay. We are all loved by someone. We have to start seeing how extraordinary we are. And sometimes, we are going to need help. I just began talking to a friend of mine that I had a falling out with. We were such great friends and he was such an amazing person, but things happened and unfortunately it took a toll on our friendship. We were talking for the first time in months and he was telling me about how nothing seemed to be going write. And he was taking the blame for it. So I wrote him a letter telling him how amazing he was, pointing out the qualities in him that I saw that made him who he was- the things he should be proud of. Take the time to write a letter, or write on someone's wall, or email them and tell them how great they are and why. I promise you will feel better about yourself, you will see how blessed you are to have such a great person in your life. But what's even better is how amazing you are going to make them feel. 

I also don't think we realize how much we affect someone's day. About 3 weeks ago, I was having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day- as you know if you read my blog post. Looking back, I realize that my bad mood put the other people around me in a bad mood, and their bad mood just added to my bad mood. Not only did I ruin my day, but I ruined theirs too. Also looking back, my day could have been SO much worse than it was. I'm Italian, I exaggerate. My day really was not that bad,  mean it was super unfortunate, but it in all honesty could have been a lot worse. I've been trying to rid my life of the things that bring in negative energy so that way I can be more positive and in turn so will the people around me. The easiest way to brighten someone's day is a smile, or even a compliment. Just telling someone that they look good or telling someone they are pretty or amazing will definitely turn their day around.

We have to learn to accept that someone else's choices are not our fault. If someone stops liking us for who we are, that's not our faults. That's theirs. We also have to learn to accept that people come into our lives and people leave our lives. There is a reason. We don't know why, but there's a reason. Just accept it and move on. Oh and smile please. I know it's hard sometimes, but it's the most effective way to change someone's day. And how can you not smile when someone's smiling back at you? I dare you to try. 

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Girls aren't the only things that can be compared to Italian Sports Cars.

Talents are like cars. 

Some people have talent like an Italian sports car with a turbo ultra high horse power engine. Like this one:

Other people have talent like this piece of crap:

But the point is... talent ranges. Some people are just lucky enough to be the best at everything. Other people are given little to work with, but the ingredients are not necessarily equivalent to the final product. Rarely ever in science do the reactants equal the products. Just hope that in harvesting your talent, an exothermic reaction will occur.

Just because you start off looking or sounding like crap, does not mean you will end up looking and sounding like crap. It takes a lot of effort and practice to get good at something. It takes even more time and effort to become a genius at it. I've been vocally trained for over 11 years and I still am no where near as good as I want to be.  But I keep working on it.

I believe that talent is something you are born with. I think everyone is talented at something; whether it be school, music, sports, or socializing- everyone is born with a knack for something. But if talent isn't well taken care of or nurtured, it will not be as valuable as it could be.

Just because you are born with talent like the 1st car, doesn't mean your talent couldn't end up looking like this car:

And Just because you are born with talent looking like the 2nd car, doesn't mean your talent can't end up looking like this car:

So just stay determined and do what you love because you love it. The best talent always stems from passion, because from passion comes effort and effort is the best determiner for success.

this is an A and B conversation, so C your way out of it before D jumps over E and Fs you up G.

Letters: the symbols that, when joined together, form words. Words: the collection of letters that, when joined together, often make you sound like a jack ass. Don't get me wrong, some people are lyrical geniuses. A friend of mine is like Jason Mraz Jr. when it comes to song writing. Another friend of mine sounds like a classic novel when she speaks; it's like with every word she speaks, she adds to her book of life- which I'm sure one day will be published into a best selling memoir. But let's be honest here, most people say things without thinking and just sound like complete dips when they talk. Like they mean well, but for some reason, they cannot form sentences that get their intention across.

#1.) Compliments. For some reason our homosapien brains have not developed enough for us to realize that less is more. It's true. The less we say, the less of an idiot we sound like. When we give compliments, we often times just speak without formulating the sentence correctly so we subconsciously throw an insult into the compliment. We don't mean to have an underlying insult, but for some reason our brains just don't process fully before we release our thoughts. We just word vomit. Examples:
  • "You look really pretty today." It's totally meant to be a compliment, but it also implies that you normally don't look pretty. The omission on the word "today" would make the compliment just as nice and not as subconsciously insulting.
  • "That dress looks great on you! It does wonders for your figure." Cool. So basically you are telling me the dress covers up the myriad of flaws that I have underneath. Awesome. 
  • "You're smarter than you look." It's like people can't believe that someone has intelligence unless they are Asian, wear glasses, or are obsessed with star wars. *NEWSFLASH* people can be athletic, attractive, and social and still be smart.
  • "You're pretty good for a girl." Alright come on society. Throw the chauvinism out the window please. Girls are just as good, if not better than guys at almost everything. Yeah I know every guy reading this just said "especially at making sandwiches." Want to know what I call guys who make jokes about women making sandwiches? Single. Also guys, if you want to get a girl to like you- make her feel good about herself. I promise you will get further in life if you drop the "for a girl" after every compliment.
#2.) Sounding Intelligent. We often try to use big words to sound like we have an extensive and eloquent vocabulary, but when we use them in the wrong context- we sound like we don't even have a brain. There have been so many celebrities and politicians that have exemplified the stupidity of America by trying to sound smart, operative word being trying. Often times trying to sound smart actually makes you sound dumb as a doornail. We don't even know the actual meaning of half of the words we use on a daily basis. Examples:
  • Irregardless. We think it means: Regardless. It actually means: not a damn thing. The word "irregardless" isn't actually a word, yet we use it like it is. I promise that on a daily basis, 9 out of 10 people use the word "irregardless" and don't even realize that the word does not even exist.
  • Ironic. We think it means: an amusing coincidence. It actually means: an outcome that is the opposite of what you'd expect. I personally like societies rendition better than the actual definition, but that's probably why I failed my test on irony last year.
  • Incredible. We think it means: amazing and extraordinary. It actually means: not credible, not believable. Yes it seems obvious. But when you think about how you use the term, we use it incorrectly. Like my friend is an artist and I was looking through her art work and everyone kept commenting about how "incredible" it was. But how can art work not be credible....
  • Terrific. We think it means: very good. It actually means: frightening. Another obvious one, but we STILL misuse the word. I mean come on people, the definition is in the word.
Watch your words, they become your actions. Watch your actions, they become your habits. Watch your habits, they become your character. Watch your character it becomes your destiny. And at this rate, humanity's destiny is looking pretty stupid.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

whoever came up with the saying "live with no regrets" obviously never tried living.

Why is it that when we do something, we regret doing it; but when we don't do it, we regret not doing it. 

Example #1: cupcakes. Everyday I drive by my favorite cupcake place called Cupcakery on my way to the freeway. It's so torturous. The cupcakes there are so delicious and sweet. Their "Pink Velvet" cupcakes are so moist and their homemade pink cream cheese frosting melts in your mouth. It's just heaven in a window sill. But every time I drive by and get a cupcake- I regret eating it. Like the moment I finish the last bite, my mind goes, "OH MY GOSH THAT WAS SO GOOD! but why did I have to eat that? There are so many calories in that and it will take me 2 hours of running at the gym just to burn off the frosting." So then the next time I drive by Cupcakery I don't get a cupcake- and then I regret not getting one. It's like there is no right answer in this situation. Girls- I know you feel me. Guys- don't even try to argue with me. You all burn fat like there's no tomorrow, so you can afford to eat the whole fricken store.

Example #2: text messages. Everyone has had that thought that they really want to tell someone but don't know if they should. Like either if you really like someone and you want to tell them or if someone really pissed you off and you just want to rip them a new one. Everyone has had that thought in their head and contemplated whether or not they should tell that person. Everyone has also sent that text message telling that someone exactly what you were contemplating telling them- and then wishing there was an unsend button. You know that moment when your heart stops and your stomach hurts and you wish you could steal their phone and delete the message? Yeah. That feeling. But then the next time you are debating whether or not to relay your message to the oh so lucky receiver, you decide not to- and wish you had. But by that time, it's already too late and you really regret keeping your thoughts to yourself.

I think part of the reason why we regret decisions is because we don't trust our initial instincts and we second guess ourselves. So then we blame our mistake on our bad decision- not our insecurity. Maybe I'm over analyzing it; but that's who I am, and that's what I do. I think that regardless of what we do in situations when we have the devil and angel perched on out shoulders, we will always regret doing it unless the outcome is in our favor. Like if you text the person you like telling them that you like them and they respond saying they feel the same way- you are so thankful you texted them. But if they respond with an "I just see you as a good friend," then you really regret sending that message and prepare yourself for you next awkward encounter with them, or your next avoidance. 

The point is: no matter what choice you make, you're always going to regret it if the outcome sucks; but all you can do is learn from the situation and make a better decision next time. Or you can be like me and keep repeating my mistakes over and over and over again like a broken record. Either way, life goes on.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Don't Judge a book by its cover- judge it by its spark notes.

This sounds so typical high school. I am aware. But if you really think about it, it's more efficient to make judgements off of a summary than just a glance. Yeah some people argue that spark notes are just a glance, but really they are a little more. No one ever takes them time to actually read books now a days, just like nobody actually takes the time to get to know anyone anymore. We make rash judgements about books just like we do about people. We look at a book: how thick it is, how wide it is, how tall it is, how big the font is, what font it's written in, how many chapters it has, how long each chapter is- and that's how we decide if it's worth reading. No one researches the book to see what kind of reviews it got from people who read it, no one researches the genre and author's style to see if it would be of any interest to us- we just look at its structure rather than its contents. That's exactly how we judge people.

When we see someone at school, or the mall, or work, or really anywhere, the first thing we do is look at their physical appearance. Are they thin or fat? Are they tall or short? Are they attractive or unfortunate? Are they blonde or brunette? Do they have good style or do they look like they got dressed in the dark? Do they have tattoos and piercings or are they completely clean? And based off of these judgements we decide who they are as a person. When you see someone with black hair, piercings, tattoos, and all black clothing- you're 1st thought is "They are emo. They hate life. They cut themselves." In our mind we are basically saying, "They aren't like me, they aren't worth my time." Another example: you see a girl in denim "shorts," tight shirt, big boobs, beautiful face, long legs, and blonde. First thing girls think: "She's such a slut. She probably gets with every guy. She has no self worth." In reality, we are just extremely jealous of her beauty and wish we actually looked like her. First thing guys think: "Holy Shit! She's so hot. Thank God for creating such a beautiful human being." What they really mean: "She's probably pretty easy because if she's that beautiful then she can get with any guy she wants and I know if I had the option to get with anyone I want, I would." We automatically make rash judgements about people by looking at them- by their cover.

We all know that no one is actually going to read the whole book before making a judgement on it- although that's how it should be, it's human nature to form our own opinions about things quickly and often. So instead of actually reading the book, the next best way is to read the summary- the sparknotes. For those of you who live under a rock, sparknotes are summaries, analyses, and important facts about books that people read so that they do not have to actually read the book. Sparknotes have gotten me through high school so far, and they haven't disappointed me yet. They are effective. They map out the most important things about a book- the things that characterize the book and make it what it is. Sparknotes get rid of all the false misconceptions and all the fluff behind the bare backbone of the book. Sparknotes tell you all that is worth knowing. Too bad people don't have sparknotes. They really should. I wish I could go onto the sparknotes website and type in someone's name and get a summary of who they are and what they are like, get all the important facts I should know, and be able to read an analysis on their character. We should really be judging people on those things- not what they look like. 

We tend to decide who a person is by their cover, but that's ineffective. What if the illustrator sucked? What if the budget for the book didn't leave enough money to make an elaborate cover? It's just ineffective. I'm sure if people judged me by what I looked like, they'd be completely wrong. I'm sure if people saw me they'd think, "She's  wanna be who tries too hard. She follows the trends in fashion because she is compensating for something. She does her hair and wears make up because she is insecure about herself, her natural beauty isn't good enough." I can tell you right now that's all false. I follow trends in fashion because fashion is exciting. It's a way to express yourself and your style. I do my hair and wear make up because I never know where I'll be going, who I'll meet, or what I'll encounter and I don't want to look like a hot mess when it all happens. And in that physical analysis, there was not one mention of my intelligence, my integrity, or my personality. I value my intelligence highly and I've worked hard for it. I am an honest, trustworthy, and responsible person- I value my reputation and my morals. I am a sarcastic smart ass who enjoys witty conversation and laughing at the stupid things that people do in life. And I promise that by looking at me, you'd never even think so.

When someone enters your life, it's for a reason. Nothing is an accident. If they enter your life, God- or whoever you believe is in control of the universe- meant for them to come into your life. Take the chance to get to know them for who they are, not what they look like or seem like. Reading the book is the best option, but even getting the spark notes is better than not reading anything at all.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference.

If you ever want to really get back at someone, don't hate them- just don't care. Hating someone and wasting the energy on wanting to get back at them just gives them the satisfaction of knowing they've won. If you really want to get back at someone, just stop caring. It drives people crazy. All we want in the world is to feel like we are important to other people and that we matter. Hating someone tells them that they matter enough to you for you to still think about them, talk about them, and consume your life with them. Hating someone will only drive you crazy, it won't make a difference to the person you hate. But being indifferent strips people of their importance; it makes them feel like they mean nothing to you and that you could care less if they exist or not. See when you actually break it down, indifference is way more effective and hurtful that hatred.

It's the same thing with ignoring someone. Responding to a text message, a phone call, or any form of communication shows that you are willing to put forth the effort to put together a response and then get the message across. It shows the other person that they are worth something. When you ignore someone's texts, calls, and messages, you send a message loud and clear: "YOU DON'T MATTER." It's more painful to know that someone doesn't even find you important enough to respond to than to find out they've been talking about how much they hate you. I mean if they're talking to you, at least they find you important enough to respond to.

Trust me from experience, being ignored sucks. Not knowing why you are being ignored is even worse. It's like when you get a D on an essay you spent weeks working on and your professor or teacher won't even tell you why. The unexplained is what drives people bonkers. We all look for a reason. Always. We all say that we believe that everything happens for a reason- and I'm sure it does- but why can't we ever figure out what that reason is? See, not knowing why drives you crazy. I guess it's something that you just have to accept and move on.

So just remember be careful with indifference- it's the most powerful weapon a human being possesses.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

To be trusted is a greater complement than to be loved.

Trust is like gravity: without it, we're screwed. But trust is also a gift and people need to stop taking advantage of it cause trust is also like a vase- if you break it, it can be mended but never fully repaired.

I feel like there are 2 types of people in the world in relation to trust: type A people who trust someone until they give them reason not to, and type B people who don't trust anyone until they give them reason to trust them. I, myself, happen to be like type A. I don't know how type B people ever trust anyone. I mean how do you give someone reason to trust you? I can't think of a circumstance where someone could provide me with a reason to trust them... but that's just me. Don't get me wrong, a lot of times I look like a fool, trust people I shouldn't, and regret trusting someone; but I learn from my mistakes and I give everyone a fair chance.... and usually a second... and generally a third. Some people may think I'm foolish and naive in doing so, but if people didn't give me a chance to be trusted, they'd never know how trustworthy I am.

If you're are a "Type A" person: be prepared to look like a fool. A little over a month ago I was talking to this guy who I was interested in. I thought he was cute and a talented musician and from what I knew about him, he was a very kind person and a great listener- however I didn't know him personally. I decided to introduce myself using the whole cliche "hey do I know you?" message on facebook- even though I knew exactly who he was. Don't deny it, every single one of us has done it. It usually works, and this time, it did. He messaged me back a few hours later and this lead into a 3 day conversation. He told me about his music career, his numerous record label offers, his celebrity friends- cool things that completely excite a girl who wants to enter the music industry. I felt so cool talking to someone who would one day be a professional in the career path I intended on following. I was in awe. I believed every word he said and ate it all up like a red velvet cupcake with cream cheese frosting and rainbow sprinkles. It was only about a week later that I found out it wasn't even him responding to me. His friend had hacked onto his computer and responded to every single message. I felt like an idiot. I was an embarrassed fool. I was humiliated. I didn't even know what to say. But you know what? whatever. I didn't have reason to believe he was lying. I was kind of bummed but I decided to give the real him a second chance and I'm glad I did. Although most of it was a lie the first time around, I was able to learn other really cool things about him. He may not be best friends with Akon, but he was still a genuine person.

My point is: trust until you are given reason not to it's better to look like a fool for being mistaken than to look like a asshole for not even giving someone a chance.

Today at dance practice we did a trust fall. I absolutely hate trust falls- always have and always will. I'm not the skinniest girl nor am I short. I think tall people really have a disadvantage in trust falls- we have more weight that needs to be caught, a larger frame that needs to be cushioned, and the surface area of our bodies is definitely larger than those of the peanuts on my dance team. I happened to be partnered up with one of my friends whom I really trust. She is one of my best friends and I tell her everything. But I still couldn't trust her today- I refused to be farther than 3 feet away from her and I refused to close my eyes when I fell. I trust her completely with my mental health, but her skinny little butt had absolutely no chance of catching me. I'll be honest here, my hips don't lie- but they do really throw me off balance. I don't know why I didn't believe she'd catch me- but I still took steps back closer to her every single time.

I think those of us that trust often- trust partially. It's like what we lack in fully trusting someone, we make up for in the amount of people we trust. If that made any sense whatsoever. It made sense in my brain, but for some reason I feel like you went back and re-read that sentence multiple times.

Moral of the story?
Trust is like a flower: the greater time it has to grow, the more beautiful it will be; but be sure to plant the seed and give the flower time to grow- otherwise you're garden will be uglier than a cinder block wall.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Everybody has a safety net- it may just be temporarily under construction.

Shit happens. That's life. We can all give a nice warm shout out to Adam and Eve for screwing everything up. But without evil in the world, good would not seem as great. The magnitude of everything would be so much less if its opposition did not exist. I mean if sadness didn't suck, happiness wouldn't be worth celebrating; If frowning didn't use so many muscles, smiling wouldn't be as easy.

My last few days have sucked. I'll be honest. I mean if you couldn't tell by my melancholy memoirs. I kind of felt like I didn't have a safety net. I felt like I was falling and there was no one there to catch me. But in reality, my safety net was there all along- it was just made out of fishing wire so I couldn't see it. I realized that I have friends and family who are always there for me. Once I realized that, I couldn't help but smile. I mean the red velvet cupcakes and slurpee my friend brought me definitely helped, but I was just thankful for the people that I had in my life at that moment who were there for me.

I'm quite aware of the cliche saying, "We adore the ones who ignore us and ignore the ones who adore us."
It's so incredibly true. It's human nature to want to be liked. No one likes having enemies or being hated. But for some reason, we think we can change people. We enjoy chasing after the broken and then making them whole. We go after the lions who no one can seem to tame in hopes that we can domesticate them. It's a prestige thing. If we can tame the one who can't be tamed- then we have won. Good luck to any one who's trying to tame Miley Cyrus cause she obviously "can't be tamed." But in focusing on chasing the lions, we forget about the little kittens at our feet nibbling on our toes and purring. We completely ignore those who love and adore us and disregard them as if we expect them to always be there. I know I say this a lot, but we are so spoiled as a society. We are so self righteous and expect that whatever we have already acquired will always be ours. But you never know how long that kitten is going to stay there nibbling without acknowledgment before it runs away and finds a new owner.

Let's face it- if no one has been able to tame the lion before, don't expect to be the exception. One of my favorite movies is "He's Just Not That Into You." If you haven't seen it, get on netflicks or to blockbuster pronto. I learned so much from that movie and it is all so true. We always think we are the exception, but we never really are. It's not a bad thing, it's just a matter-of-fact thing. Instead of chasing after the lions, we need to play with the kittens. We need to ignore the ones who ignore us and adore the ones who adore us. And I guarantee that everybody has more kittens to play with than lions to tame. Deep down inside we are all that 87 year old cat lady. Don't deny it.

So on a happy note, be thankful for what you have. Be grateful for the people in your life. Never take for granted the opportunities you are given and the education you are receiving. Everything happens for a reason, we may never know why, but there is a reason. 

"People come into your life and people leave it... you just have to trust that life has a road mapped out for you.

newton's first law of motion seems to apply more to life than science.

so for anyone out there who never actually paid attention in physics, never actually took physics, or doesn't really care about physics, Newton's first law of motion basically states that an object in motion will stay in motion. Welcome to my day today. Everything kept getting worse and worse and worse. My mood was like a ball at the top of a really, really, really steep hill when the Santa Anna winds swept through. Let's walk through the disaster step by step.

1. got about 3 hours of sleep because insomnia decided to move into my head and make a permanent home. so instead of sleeping, i sat in bed trying to justify the things happening in my life at the moment and finally came to the conclusion that people just suck.

2. left late to go to Starbucks, hoping a carmel apple spice and a coffee cake would distract me from my failure at justification. of course i get cut off by Sargent slow poke and i try to get around him to make up for lost time. so as i go to switch lanes he decides he is going to also, so i switch back- oh wait he does too. So this little un-amusing game went on for about half a mile. then Sargent slow poke got promoted to admiral asshole. he thought it would be funny to take an entire cup of soda and dump it out his window- knowing it would splatter across my windshield. Then he decides to flip me off a few times, but 6:30 AM is way to early for birds to be making an appearance.

3. i finally get to Starbucks. they spell my name wrong- again. you'd think that by now, considering I've gone in there about 5-6 times a week for the past year, they'd know how to spell my name. well they don't. 


so after i leave Starbucks with my cold carmel apple spice and half eaten coffee cake, i walk to my car with my friend and we try to fend for ourselves against the wind. as she opens her car door, the wind decides it's going to help her. too bad the wind over blew and slammed her car door into mine. now my car has a lovely battle wound. just a long scratch and dent. no big deal. you can only see it from china. it's not her fault though. the wind is just an ignorant son of a bitch. mother nature- i expect you to pay for the damages. 

4. i get in my car and drive to school- i have about 10 minutes to get there and its about a 4 minute drive. I'm thinking I'm totally fine. but no. the light decides its going to make us wait for 11 minutes as i watch all the other kids get to school on time and all i can do is sit. I'm the most impatient person. so telling me to sit still when that's not what i should be doing is like telling a car not to go when the light is green. it's so unnatural and annoying.

5. because I'm stuck at the light for so long, i have to park in frickin Taiwan in the parking lot and it takes me another 8 minutes just to walk to class. I'm just ranking up the minutes. i walk in about 10 minutes late to my first class. great. if anyone knows me- i hate being late. i hate it. i think it draws unnecessary negative attention to you and i just hate it.

** side note** my drink spilled all over me when i was walking to class because somehow the wind formed a tornado, forcing the drink to pour up and out of my cup onto me. cool. 

and you can just imagine how great of a day I've been having ever since. just pure joy.

Dear Santa Anna Winds- Blow me.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

If you think life can't get any worse, you seriously lack a sufficient imagination. If you think life can only get better, you seriously lack a functioning brain.

Don't get me wrong, I think everyone needs to be thankful for what they have. We all take for granted how lucky we are and how blessed out lives have truly been. But at the same time, you never know when that will be taken away. Your dreams may seem to be coming true, but you never know when reality will set back in. Story of my life. Just as things begin to go the way I hope, they decide to make a complete U-turn at the next intersection. Example A, my music career. I feel like I'm playing monopoly; it's like every time I roll the dice, I always seem to end up in jail and have to skip my next turn. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I have another turn coming eventually, but you get to the point when eventually just isn't good enough.

In life we all seem to ride in the middle lane- never getting to close to the edge of the cliff but never wanting to be right next to the barrier either. It's like we constantly live our lives half-ass. We don't want to live life completely on the edge because in all honesty, it's never worth gambling everything away for one good time; but we don't want to live too safely because we don't want people thinking we are cowards. We are constantly worried by how we are perceived that we live life in the average lane. By trying to be different, we are conforming to what society tells us to do.

I am on my school's dance team and last year we had one dance in particular that fell into this category at one point. One of our dances was basically a recreation of the SAW movies through dance. It was creative, obscure, and uniquely beautiful. At one competition a judge told us that by trying to be original, we are actually blending in. I thought she was on drugs when she said it because #1: it didn't make sense and #2: it was completely untrue. But by applying what she said to life, I began to understand what she was saying.

Everybody wants to be original, but we learn what originality is from society. We think originality is one specific fashion, so we replicate what we see as "original" and in doing so it loses its originality and becomes the next trend in the world. So we find ourselves at the same average position we began at and can't seem to move away from.

Because we live in such an neutral phase in life, things could always get worse. Always. I guarantee that everyone has more to lose than they expect. And trust me on this, you really don't know what you've got until it's gone. Don't take advantage of how great things are in life because I can promise you they could easily get worse.

But if you think life can only get better, you must have been living under a rock for your entire life. Welcome to Reality: the land of sucky people, broken dreams, and complete and utter idiots. Life doesn't owe anyone anything- and trust me- it knows it. There will always be someone there to rain on your parade. And it will rain, storm, and hurricane until you finally pack up your floats and streamers and move on. That's just how life goes. No one ever said life was fair, just eventful.

So just enjoy what you've got and be happy with where your life is because there's no guarantee that it will get better, nor is there any promise that it's as bad as it's going to get.

never make someone a priority. you are always just an option.

Yeah, everybody knows the saying "never make someone a priority when you're only an option," but what nobody seems to know is that you are always just an option. Think about it. There's never only one choice; there's always another way. It seems so obvious to me but apparently it's not.

Love (noun): an illusion used to lure people into thinking that another human being is actually capable of truly caring about another human being

Obviously that's not the actual definition, but in reality- it should be. We all search to find love because it makes us feel important. Being cared for makes you feel like you are actually worth something. Love means being the priority. 

There's a definite difference in being the first option and the first priority. Being the first option means you could be the 9 millionth priority, but out of all the other options for the 9 millionth priority- you're the best choice. Being the first priority means you hold the most importance over everything. I feel like no one is anyone's priority. I'm not even my own first priority. I put more importance on everybody else's well being than my own happiness. Any day. That's just who I am and as much as I wish I was different- I'm not. I usually end up disappointed but everyone else gets their way.

You'd think that by now I'd be used to being just an option and you'd think that by now I'd know I will never be a priority, but nothing ever changes. The distinction between priority and option seems to be a life lesson that nobody will ever grasp. It's one of those things that we try and convince ourselves does not actually exist, but it does. Like the fact that we hire people based on looks. I mean come on let's be honest, you'd hire an attractive person over an ugly one any day. As much as we try and convince ourselves that this doesn't actually happen- it does.

So my whole point to this is that as human beings, we are not capable of actually fully loving someone and making them our priority. We have short attention spans and get distracted easily. We always have other options. Never make any one your priority because I promise you, you won't be theirs.