September 20, 2011

It's amazing how a sudden instant can play in slow motion; even though its merely a second, it seems to be an eternity. You've had bad dreams before and this just seems like another nightmare. But it actually happens. I got a text message from my best friends mom this morning at 2:17 AM:

"Bad news... There's been a car accident.... We are at the hospital with her right now."

and another one exactly one hour later:

"She has stitches in her lip... fractured pelvis and hips... cuts in her spleen and liver... and bruising on her lungs... she is going to be fine.... but she can't dance for a while."

My heart literally stopped and I couldn't breathe. I lost all control. I threw off my covers jumped down off my bed, onto my desk, and onto the floor and didn't know what to do. I just sat there bawling. Hysterically. I couldn't believe that I had literally seen her 5 days ago. We skyped 10 hours ago. She texted me 2 hours ago. And now she's in the hospital. You learn who you really are in these situations, and you learn your priorities because everything you do from that point on is instinct. 

I called her mom right away to get a full story. That was all that was known and that was all she could share. As soon as I hung up, I called my parents. I didn't know what to do. I was sitting there helpless on the floor with my roommate hovered over me trying to calm me down. I still couldn't breathe. What would I have done if my best friend in the whole world hadn't made it. Why wasn't I with her. Why couldn't that be me in the car and not her. Why did she have to have her passion taken away from her. She's a dance major on her college's dance team. And now she can't dance until January. It really isn't fair.

Time always seems to pass so slowly when you are waiting for an expected phone call. I just wanted to see her. I didn't want to go to class. But sitting in my room moping on the floor wasn't going to do anybody any good. So I cried through English. But at least I was there. I depleted my phone battery from checking it so many times to see if I had a missed call or a text waiting for me saying that she is coming home and she will be okay. But that didn't come.

A few hours later I got a text from her from her mom's phone:

"Hiiii it's Kawee! I'm okay! I think I'm at Santa Ana Hospital..."

Tears streamed down my face in the middle of our dining hall, this time tears of joy: she was okay. I ran back to my room and grabbed the things I needed for the night and headed over to the hospital right away.

Time and Traffic seem to have a lot in common- they both move slowly when you want them to move quickly. I sat in traffic for 2 hours trying to get somewhere that's only 40 miles away. I wanted to just drive through all the traffic and get there as fast as possible, but seeing as my best friend was in a car accident, it would be a little too ironic if her best friend ended up in the bed next to her. So I sat there helpless and impatient and concerned. I finally got there and headed up to the top floor where her room was. She was surrounded by her amazing new friends. It was so refreshing to know that she was still in good hands at school, and it's nice to know that she has amazing people taking care of her. I breathed a sigh of relief and took a second to just breathe. Unfortunately it was gross, sicky hospital air. But it was air none the less.

And that's where I am now. Sitting in breathing icky hospital air while she sleeps. She's conscious and breathing, but stuck in bed. She can't walk. But she will be able to. She can't eat much. But I know she will. She's a tough cookie. The strongest girl I know. And she will get through it. With everyone by her side.

I learned a few important things today: bad things happen to good people- but it's because God knows they are strong enough to handle it; my friends and family are my world and I would literally do anything for them whenever they need it and I hope they know that; and hospital air is gross.

casual my ass.

now a days we just want everything to be simple. we don't want to have to walk into a restaurant to get our food, so we go to the drive through. we don't want to have to get up to change the channel, so we use the remote. we like to do things how and when they are convenient to us. it's just a character flaw of society. we like things casual.

but i have a big problem with casual. being casual can apply to the way you dress- casual attire: jeans and a t-shirt; the place you eat- stonefire grill, panera, etc.; but in applying the word casual to relationships, you actually make them more complicated than you think. because casual is so laid back and so vague, the lines are so blurry that it's hard to decipher where they are or if they even exist.

the first line that needs to be established: the definition of dating. i hate the term dating because it is so ambiguous. dating can mean there is an established- facebook official- relationship between 2 people. dating can mean 2 people are exclusive- but no title. dating can mean that 2 people are going on dates with absolutely no commitment to each other whatsoever. whoever thought it would be a brilliant idea to use one word to mean so many different things really deserves to be bitch slapped because i'm pretty sure that he is responsible for the majority of confusion headaches, late night thought frenzies, and misread signals in the universe. and yes i am assuming that it is a "he" who is responsible because it's usually guys who like the fact that the term is so ambiguous because girls generally will conform to the guy's definition.

so much for "casual dating." i don't know if dating can ever be casual. because casual dating implies that there is no commitment and that either party can date other people at the same time. but last time i checked, you only continue to go out on dates with someone that you like or are interested in and, i don't know about anyone else, but my mind is to busy thinking about half the things i need to get done before i take another breath to even be interested in more than one person. so therefore casual dating ends up in accidental exclusivity.

this is why i hate the terms casual and dating. the ambiguity between both words makes it almost sinful to even use them together in the same sentence, let alone the same term.

there's a difference between hearing and listening.

Dear Starbucks: your misspelling of my name is getting a little out of hand. I can handle "Carly." I can handle "Carlie." I can handle "Karlee." "Karleigh" is pushing it. But seriously, "Corrlie?" That doesn't even have the same vowel sound. Nor does it have many of the right letters. Congratulations, you got the "r" and the "l"correct. Do you want me to give you a gold star? I don't understand why people can misinterpret the things you say so incredibly grotesquely that, if you did not know any better, you would think what they heard was completely unrelated to what you said. Then I realized: there's a difference between hearing and listening. So Mr. Barista at Starbucks, I suggest you start listening to what your customers are saying. We're stuck listening to the damn blenders and your stupid small talk. The least you could do is almost spell my name right.

I think with the fast paced world that we live in, we are constantly hearing things that people are saying, but they almost seem to go in one ear and out the other, maybe making a pit stop in the brain for the slightest moment; but rarely do we ever listen to what they are saying. Hearing is just processing sound waves. Listening is actually digesting the words that people say. I mean, I'll be the first to admit that when my mom asks me to do something 10,000 times I always tell her that I heard her the first time. Which I did. I hear her voice muffled by my closed door and blasting music. But I never really listen to what she says until its convenient for me to actually be able to focus on what she wants me to do.

A lot of the time we are just stuck on autopilot. We have our daily routines, our daily drives from point A to point B, but most of the time we don't even pay attention to what we are doing because it has become so normal and comfortable to us that we can do it without thinking. That's the exact problem. We hear people talking so much that we tend to just tune them out, acknowledge the fact that they are saying something, but not care enough to actually listen. And it's when we are in autopilot that we generally miss important information. It may not be important to us, but it's important to the person saying it.

Challenge yourself to actually listen to what people are saying, not just hearing it. You'll be amazed with what you hear. And maybe you'll actually learn their name... and on the off chance, spell it right...

speed bumps ahead.

The rough patches in life are just like speed bumps in the road. Doesn't matter if they are life changing gigantic bumps that will literally alter our lives forever or the little obnoxious bumps that are short, abrupt, and really uncomfortable. Life's bumps are just like speed bumps on a road. They are there to slow you down and make you think about what you are doing and be aware of what's going on around you. They make you pay attention to what lies ahead. The only difference is that there are sign warning you about the speed bumps coming up in the road ahead, obviously life isn't so kind.

Whether you are fighting with a loved one, stressing about school, or really anything else that's causing your life to get a little bumpy, you have to look at it as a sign for you to slow down and think things through. There isn't always a right answer or a way to avoid the bumps completely, but there is usually a trick to one wheeling it around them. The key to overcoming life's speed bumps is to take them in stride and not stop completely, otherwise you'll just be stuck. You have to use your momentum to make it over the bumps, even if it means relying on other people to help give you the push you need.

When I first started driving, I went over speed bumps way too fast; it was literally like California screaming in a car ride. My dad told me to slow down and just ease my way over them. I complained that I had places to go and people to see, but he said that there are only a few and I should take the time to get through them carefully and safely. That was a lesson that I applied to more than just driving.

Life really only has a few major speed bumps, there are minor ones here and there as well, but those are easier to drive over. When it comes to difficult times in life, you have to stop. Literally slow down and just pay attention to what's going on around you. It's usually during your toughest times that your friends are waiting there to help you through it. I'm not saying getting over the speed bump will be easy, because in life, speed bumps seem to be the size of Mount Everest on steroids; but what I am saying is that the ups and downs of life are meant to make you slow down and allow yourself to catch up with what's really going on. Like a reality check. Now if only Life was kind enough to make signs to give us a heads up... but obviously that's too much to ask.

although they both mean "having no value," priceless and worthless are two very different words.

I don't know what is worse: completely losing or being second best. Because, I mean, if you lose completely- you had absolutely no chance of winning . You were so far away from your goal that it makes it almost easier to accept the defeat. But when you're second best, you're the first loser. you just aren't good enough.

I mean the obvious example is in a contest. To me, it's easier to accept last place than it is to accept second place. I mean yeah it sucks knowing you were the worst, but isn't that easier to accept than to accept the fact that you're good, but not good enough?

Or when you're talking to someone and they flirt with you and tell you how amazing you are and how they've never met anyone like you- but they have a girlfriend or a boyfriend. It's like you're just there for their convenience and you are filling some void that they don't get from their girlfriend or boyfriend. It's like all you're there for is a filler. You're not good enough to be the main course- only a side dish.

One of the worst feelings in the world is feeling like you aren't good enough. It's especially hard when you feel like that from all angles. It's a weird concept to grasp that human lives are priceless, yet we constantly find ourselves feeling worthless. Although both mean having no value, priceless and worthless are two completely different things that are easily mistaken. We find ourselves feeling worthless when in reality, we are priceless.

so as hard as it is to accept the fact of never feeling good enough and feeling worthless, we have to try and remember that somewhere, at some time, to someone- we will have no value. we will be priceless to them.

welcome to society: where karma's a bitch and the truth hurts.

Everybody wants the truth. Or so they say. But here's the thing, they don't want the actual truth; they want you to tell them what they want to hear and pretend it's the truth. That's just how people are. We say we want one thing, but we really want something else. Welcome to society: the place where the truth is lies and plastic is apparently not cold and hard anymore (thanks to silicone).

For example, when a girl is trying on jeans at the mall, they always bring someone along to tell them how they "truthfully" look in the jeans. So when they come out in jeans that are too tight for a toothpick and ask you if they look good, no matter how much they know the answer is no, they want you to say yes. I mean, if they are going for the whole "fresh baked muffin" look- tell them they are perfect. But if not, tell them that jean sizes do not correlate to the next time they will ever go out on a date. Just because you are a size 28 does not mean you are doomed to be single the rest of your life.

Or example #2, when guys get their ears pierced and ask you if it looks good. Don't get me wrong, some guys can totally pull it off. But the other ones just look like they missed the boy band bus by about 10 years. They ask you, "Do you like them? Be honest." Well, what are you supposed to tell the Back Street Boy? Do you tell them that they look great? Or do you tell them that 98 Degrees called and Nick Lachey wants his style back?

The truth is something that I think people want to want to hear. But in reality, the truth is most likely going to be exactly what you didn't want to hear. But that's the beauty of the truth. The actual truth is going to be one of the only things you will ever encounter in this world that will actually be reality. In fact, I don't even know why we call reality- reality. I mean there is hardly anything real about it. Look at reality shows. They are supposed to be showing the real lives of people, I mean come on. It's in the name. Reality TV. But apparently no one's lives are actually entertaining enough to hold our attention, so producers and writers decide to show us things we want to see rather than the truth.

So here's where you have to make the decision. Do you really want the truth? Or do you want the scripted reality TV version. Because if you do want the truth,: be warned. It's going to hurt more than the tattoo of Spongebob you're going to get on your ass when you get really drunk in college.

Forgive and Don't Forget.

Juxtaposition: to place 2 seemingly opposing words side by side. I never really understood how juxtaposition worked until today. I mean I knew what it was, but I didn't really know why it had to by called by some 5 syllable title. Until today. When, for some reason, it made sense. And it's all thanks to this three word phrase: "Forgive and forget." I couldn't possibly think of 2 words that are more in opposition.

There's forgiving. And then there's forgetting. Forgiving is the process of concluding resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, difference or mistake. But Forgetting is dismissing from the mind. The only 2 things these 2 words have in common are their first three letters. I can and will always forgive someone, but i NEVER forget what they've done. Maybe it's my semi-photographic memory, but I never forget what people have done to me, and I never will.

Forgiving has this connotation of being this very long, grueling process that causes emotional damage, but that's where people get confused. That is actually forgetting. Forgiving is just giving someone another chance. Forgetting is ignoring why you have to give them a second chance in the first place.

I still remember the grudges I've held since 5th grade. I will never forget. There was this girl in my class who had a crush on my "boyfriend" at the time. Yes I say boyfriend in quotations because all we ever did was call each other names and make each other cry. I use that term VERY loosely. But anyway, I liked him and he liked me and she was never in the picture. But then one day she decides to tell him that he can do better than me and that he deserves a girl like her. HA. Don't you just LOVE 5th grade soap operas? SO great. So she tried to kiss him and he pushed her away and then we all walked back into the classroom from recess. Except her. She sat on her ass and cried like a baby because she got denied by a fifth grade boy. But to this day, I hate her for ever assuming she is greater than another human being. Oh and for trying to kiss my boyfriend. Moral of the story? I forgave her and her fifth grade foolishness, but I still haven't forgotten what she did.

Or, my sophomore year when this girl decided to spread a rumor that I hooked up with her boyfriend.... Yeah. Trust me when I say, you will never understand my hatred for this girl. And this was 1 of the many rumors she spread. Rumor after rumor I forgave her for what she said (I don't know why, she is a waste of a human being anyway), but I will never forget every single lying word that came out of her big, disproportionately shaped lips. I'm not bitter at all. Can you tell?

But the point is, be careful what you do, what you say, and how you do and say it, because no matter how many times someone forgives you, they will never forget what you did. Choose every single word and step you take wisely, because making a mistake is like stepping into wet cement. The cement wills till harden and people will still be able to walk on it, but your footprint will always be there.

hey cupid, would you mind shooting both of us next time.

it was no coincidence that i happened to be wearing all black on valentine's day. i hate valentine's day. it's just so pointless. it gives couples a day to celebrate their love-which they should do all the time anyway. and it gives single people a day to realize how pathetic they really are. really. i mean come on. the fact that Singles Awareness Day has SAD as an acronym is not an accident. While all my friends were out on hot dates with their boyfriends or guys they were dating, i had a hot date with a treadmill. maybe my valentine got my hot and sweaty, but at least their valentine's could speak. i felt so pathetic. i was one of 5 people at the gym. 5. it was great knowing that i was one of 5 people who are actually single on valentine's day.

i just hate seeing all the pink and red and hearts. everywhere. balloons. candy. flowers. blah. blah. blah. do you realize how many trees and plants we kill with the amount of flowers and greeting cards we give out on valentine's day. i think mother nature is the only one who can complain more about valentine's day than i can. and trust me. i could go on for days. I'm like the scrooge of valentine's day. by the end of the day, people were using the phrase "don't be such a Karly" when anyone was being a Debbie downer. whatever. it's a stupid holiday. stupid and cupid do not coincidentally rhyme. okay maybe they do. but still. i mean who listens to a kid in a diaper shooting heart shaped bow and arrows.

also, where the hell did cupid learn archery BECAUSE HE FRICKIN SUCKS AT IT. for doing this as a career, he sure does suck at it. i mean even i have better aim than him. he always seems to manage to forget to shoot both of us. he always shoots me and i fall in love but always happens to miss the guy he should have shot. and it's not even like he accidentally hits somebody else, he misses completely. and then i am stuck dealing with the consequences. so cupid, would you mind shooting BOTH of us next time? thanks.

grow a pear.

you know when you are at the gym and there is a guy obviously staring at you. He follows you from machine to machine, trying to be nonchalant but failing more miserably than i failed calculus. so you take off you headphones to give him a chance to talk to you, and what does he do? NOTHING. or you know that guy who you make eye contact with every day in the hall way, and it's not just any kind of eye contact buy like eye sex eye contact. And then you randomly run into him either after school, or at the store, or a coffee shop; and he has the perfect opportunity to introduce himself and he DOESN'T. it's so incredibly frustrating. i mean seriously. i think it's more embarrassing to obviously check someone out and then not talk to them than to go up and introduce yourself to them. it's also really creepy when someone admires you from afar but doesn't actually do anything about it. If all you want to do is look at me, take a picture. i promise it will last longer. so here is a message to all boys out there: GROW A PAIR. 

people are too concerned with their image and how people perceive them that they don't realize how many opportunities they miss out on. Don't get me wrong, the tough macho man act is attractive at first, but the fact that you have the confidence to start a conversation with a complete stranger, is not only flattering to the girl, but its really attractive too. don't know what to day? here, let me help you, or at least let google help me, help you.

• step 1: greet the person with a friendly smile.
• step 2: ask a general question that could spark conversation like "hey, you look familiar from somewhere!" you can then proceed to ask where you may know them from (even if you know that you don't). you will figure out what their hobbies are so that way you can see what you have in common.
• step 3: use the info that you secret acquired to spark general conversation. pay attention to little details to compliment them on (but only throw compliments in when appropriate- you're trying to flatter them, not creep them out).

• tip 1: don't just hear the response, listen to it. it will help spark conversation topics.
• tip 2: keep to general topics like music, sports, television shows, movies, food, etc. they are easy to talk about and so general that if things get awkward, you can bring the conversation to an end.
• tip 3: watch body language. it sometimes speaks louder than words.

Now you really don't have the excuse that you "don't know what to say" because that is not true. i just outlined an entire conversation for you that a monkey could carry. you never know if you will get the chance to have a conversation with that person again, so if i were you i would take any opportunity you get.

you feel like you're drowning but you've still got breath.

I think one of the hardest things in the world is watching someone with something you deserve. You want it and you know you deserve it, but someone else has it. and it's right in front of you. and there's nothing you can do. in the great words of the script "it feels like you're drowning but you've still got breath." it's kind of a hopeless feeling and its absolutely terrible. and horrible. and no good. It happens to me all the time, with relationships, with careers, with school. it happens to everyone everywhere. I'm a firm believer in being fair, so if it happens to everyone, wouldn't it be just as fair if it didn't happen to anyone? I don't know about you, but i think that sounds fair.

With music and the industry being the way it is, it sucks to see people sitting on the top when they didn't actually perform their way up there. unfortunately, everything has a price. anything can be bought. even success. so while i'm sitting here hovering right above the bottom, and i know that i have what it takes to be sitting comfortably right on the top, it bothers me. it gives me that awful feeling in my stomach like someone just punched me with every ounce of strength they have in their body. and the only thing i can do is "be patient" and "keep trying," according to everyone else in the universe. i'm sorry. i am not patient. do NOT tell me to wait.

Or when you see a girl with the guy you like. and you know it's your hand that fits perfectly in his. and no matter how much you want him to see it, no matter how obvious it is, no matter how strong the magnifying glass he is looking through, he'll never see it. knowing that someone else has something that you want with all your heart is literally heart breaking. yes i know that your heart is a muscle and it cannot actually break. But it sure does feel like it.

and i don't know about guys, but girls will find any connection or "sign" that they can just to justify to themselves that they deserve it. i hate to break it to the girl population, but just because you you both have the same color eyes does not mean you are meant to be together. just because you both love the same song or same show, does not mean that you are destined to spend eternity together. cause if it did, we'd all be living in a polygamous, STD infected, constant orgy. I wish it were that easy. but it's not. if life were easy, it'd be your mom.

a dialogue can quickly turn into a monologue if you don't say anything worth responding to.

i hate those conversations where every response you get is one of the following: "haha", "ya", "kk", "ok", "yeah", or the worst one, "lol". "LOL"... really? I'm pretty sure if i was funny enough to make you laugh out loud then you would have more to say. or "kk", do you realize that you are only one more k away from the white supremacist group? or "haha". if i'm not actually making you laugh, don't pretend. i know that i am actually funny and i do not need your pretend laugh to fill some missing void. if my message isn't worth responding to, then don't. cause i promise if you ever send me a "ya", "kk", or "lol" i will NOT respond. LOL is like a noncoding codon that stops protein synthesis, except it stops conversation. 

I'd seriously rather talk to myself. at least i know that i can carry a conversation and crack semi-funny jokes and throw random puns in there for shits and giggles. but it seriously drives me nuts when people cannot carry a conversation. my 78 year old grandma can carry better conversations than half the people i converse with on a daily basis and she barely speaks English. i mean seriously. there are SO many things to talk about. talk about sports. i may not understand, but i can totally deal with listening to you ramble on about who the Lakers beat or who won the world series. i may not completely understand, but I'll pretend like I'm enjoying the conversation. Or movies, there have been so many movies made and so many in theaters, there has to be at least a dozen that we have both seen, and i can probably quote most of them. Or tell me how your day was. if your day sucked, tell me some exciting story about how you found an ostrich-sea gull hybrid in the middle of the night while you were driving around. i don't care if it actually happened or not. and when i ask you what you are doing, if you say "nm" we are no longer friends. really, I'm i seriously only worth a 2 letter response?

one of the most frustrating things in the world is when you feel like you aren't getting the attention of someone who you are conversing with. it's as if you aren't important enough for them to listen to. i know that i talk a lot. like a lot. but at least i am trying to uphold conversation. i understand that sometimes i talk too much. I'm Italian. i talk loud, fast, and in large amounts. sometimes i amaze myself with the amount of words i can squeeze into one breath. but that's the thing, at least I'm trying. and when you talk to me, i will give you the attention you deserve.

basically what I'm saying here is I'd rather talk to myself than have a conversation with someone who thinks I'm only worth a 2-3 letter response. at least i know that i can carry conversation and can convincingly act like I'm interested in what I'm talking about.

the science of love

Maybe it's just because I'm obsessed with the script's new album, but i can't help but listen to it over and over again and i keep listening to this one song, which happens to be the song the album is named after. It's called "science and faith," and the best lyrics are in the chorus. It says:

" you won't find faith or hope down a telescope.
you won't find heart or soul in the stars.

you can break everything down into chemicals,

but you can't explain a love like ours."

basically it's saying you can honestly find an explanation to everything except love. When it comes to love, there is no right or wrong answer; there is no formula or theory; there is no equation. Love is unexplainable. You can't control who you love, nor can you control who loves you. You can't make someone feel any specific way; you can't make someone love you when they don't. You also can't stop someone from loving you. There's no secret book or bible on love. it's something you just have to figure out on your own.

I think the hardest thing to accept about love is that there is no controlling it. it's one thing in life that no one can control. i don't care how intelligent you are, you will never be able to prove to me that there is a right way to do anything involving love. It's hard to accept things that are out of our hands. Sometimes, though, we just have to accept it without explanation. The thing we want the most is always the thing that we can't have. That's part of love. It's the fact that if love isn't mutual, it's not love at all. Love is a two way street. No turns, no merging lanes. just two lanes. the light has to be green for both lanes at the same time. if not, it doesn't work. And I don't know about you, but I hate sitting at stoplights. I think we waste so much time at stoplights just sitting there. doing nothing. and we can't change the fact that the light is red. It's the same thing with love. We sit there waiting for someone else to feel a certain way, but there's nothing we can do to change the way they feel. So we sit there, doing nothing, when we should have just taken the freeway.

That's my new philosophy on love. It's a two way street. Some people think it's worth risking having to wait at a light forever; others find it easier just to not have to deal with love at all, to take the freeway. I've driven the side streets enough times to know that I always hit the red lights. I've learned to always take the freeway. always.

"reading between the lines" is synonymous for "over analyzing"

Reading between the lines is just the more justifiable way of saying over analyzing. We think that by looking up, down, around, and in between the words that we hear or read, that we will find something that's not already there; but trust me, you won't. I'm the most over analytical person, as I feel most of the female species is. I analyze everything any one says down to the the punctuation. I mean there is a distinct difference between "hey!" and "hellooooo" and "hi." Don't deny it. You know you've analyzed it too. We convince ourselves that everyone is playing a mind game with us, so we play it back. But in doing so, we just create an even bigger mind game. It's like who can boggle the other person's brain more. We try to be sly and secretive about how we feel, but really we all basically wear our hearts on our sleeves- if we mean to or not.

There's no hiding how we feel unless you are an extremely internal and introverted person. I know I am NOT. You can tell EXACTLY how I feel at all times just by the look on my face. And if for some reason you can't, you can ask me and I'll tell you EXACTLY how I feel. I just don't like mind games. My brain hurts too much from school and work and the rest of the curve balls life throws at me; I'd rather not have to analyze your feelings towards me at the moment just by a salutation. No thank you. But even though I don't want to, I do any way. There's no stopping it. I'm an over analytical person. I except it. But boy does it ever hurt my brain.

I don't know if guys are as analytical as girls are, but I can tell you from experience that girls will sit there staring at a text message trying to decode it as if it was written in a completely hieroglyphic foreign language. We sit there and read it word by word, and at different speeds, as if change the emphasis on certain words will uncover a hidden meaning. But it doesn't. Yet we still find one. I feel like sometimes we revert back to the old ways of elementary school when punching someone in the face meant you liked them. Or chasing someone around the field until you were both completely out of breath and about to pass out meant you thought they were cute. I don't know what sort of perverse mind set that is, but some people seem to never grow out of it.

It's the ignorance within us that wants to believe that if we can't find something that it is still there. We try and convince ourselves that just because we can't find it, doesn't mean it's not there. Sometimes it's just not. We have to just accept it sometimes and move on. But it's hard to distinguish when its the right time to stop looking or when we still haven't looked hard enough. With my experience in this subject, it seems to be that as soon as you stop looking for it, you stumble upon it accidentally. But who knows, maybe that's just me and my clumsy, over analytical self.