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Monday, December 6, 2010

it's really hard to predict your future when you have absolutely no idea where its going.

I'm realizing that right now, at this moment, I am basically planning my future. With every choice I make, I am somehow shaping my future. With every submit button I push, with every quick-take question I answer, with every essay I type, I am basically deciding my future. But something that I am also realizing, is it's really hard to predict your future when you have absolutely no idea where its going.

I'm not just talking about school though. I mean I am, but it also applies to other aspects of my life. I mean with school, I have basically decided my future, but I don't exactly know what I chose to do. I already applied to schools and had to decide my major, my minor, and my emphasis. I could tell you exactly what I chose for each one, but could I tell you why? kind of. I know what I want to do with my life, but it has absolutely nothing to do with my schooling. So basically my education is my back up. But I don't know what my back up plan is. I have absolutely no idea where the degrees I'm going to get are actually going to take me. Life is so unpredictable. I mean I know my parents didn't plan on watching this economy sink like the Titanic. Otherwise, they probably would have chosen more stable professions. I am kind of scared of where the future is leading because there is no way to even guess where it will go, so there really is no way to prepare for it.

I kind of feel the same way with choices I make outside of school. Like if my music dreams play out, I'm going to need to become really good really fast at everything: guitar, piano, singing, theory. But I don't want to waste my time doing something that will actually have no relevance to my future. I also don't want to prioritize incorrectly. I mean I feel like I already have. I put my social life before my school work which has probably screwed me over, but at this point, it's too late to care. I've enjoyed actually meeting new people and making the friends of a lifetime. I wouldn't trade that for anything. But part of me worries that I've missed something. Like what if I didn't meet someone that I was supposed to? What if I missed an opportunity that I should have taken? What if I was too oblivious to notice someone or something that could have changed my life.

I'm probably over analyzing it because that's just who I am, but like i said, it's really hard to predict your future when you have absolutely no idea where its going. I guess part of the adventure in life is enduring all its ups and downs. Part of the mystery of life is going through it pretty blindly. I mean I feel like I'm blind folded  on Wheel of Fortune and Pat Sajak and Vanna White are asking me to pick a letter, but I can't even see what word I'm trying to spell. It's like I'm doing a crossword puzzle blindfolded. It's really hard to spell out your future when you don't even know what you're trying to spell out. Oh well, we're already traveling down life's path, it's too late to turn back now. Might as well keep guessing which path to travel at the fork in the road. Just hope that the path you choose doesn't lead you to a cliff. That would suck.

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