you feel like you're drowning but you've still got breath.

I think one of the hardest things in the world is watching someone with something you deserve. You want it and you know you deserve it, but someone else has it. and it's right in front of you. and there's nothing you can do. in the great words of the script "it feels like you're drowning but you've still got breath." it's kind of a hopeless feeling and its absolutely terrible. and horrible. and no good. It happens to me all the time, with relationships, with careers, with school. it happens to everyone everywhere. I'm a firm believer in being fair, so if it happens to everyone, wouldn't it be just as fair if it didn't happen to anyone? I don't know about you, but i think that sounds fair.

With music and the industry being the way it is, it sucks to see people sitting on the top when they didn't actually perform their way up there. unfortunately, everything has a price. anything can be bought. even success. so while i'm sitting here hovering right above the bottom, and i know that i have what it takes to be sitting comfortably right on the top, it bothers me. it gives me that awful feeling in my stomach like someone just punched me with every ounce of strength they have in their body. and the only thing i can do is "be patient" and "keep trying," according to everyone else in the universe. i'm sorry. i am not patient. do NOT tell me to wait.

Or when you see a girl with the guy you like. and you know it's your hand that fits perfectly in his. and no matter how much you want him to see it, no matter how obvious it is, no matter how strong the magnifying glass he is looking through, he'll never see it. knowing that someone else has something that you want with all your heart is literally heart breaking. yes i know that your heart is a muscle and it cannot actually break. But it sure does feel like it.

and i don't know about guys, but girls will find any connection or "sign" that they can just to justify to themselves that they deserve it. i hate to break it to the girl population, but just because you you both have the same color eyes does not mean you are meant to be together. just because you both love the same song or same show, does not mean that you are destined to spend eternity together. cause if it did, we'd all be living in a polygamous, STD infected, constant orgy. I wish it were that easy. but it's not. if life were easy, it'd be your mom.