Forgive and Don't Forget.

Juxtaposition: to place 2 seemingly opposing words side by side. I never really understood how juxtaposition worked until today. I mean I knew what it was, but I didn't really know why it had to by called by some 5 syllable title. Until today. When, for some reason, it made sense. And it's all thanks to this three word phrase: "Forgive and forget." I couldn't possibly think of 2 words that are more in opposition.

There's forgiving. And then there's forgetting. Forgiving is the process of concluding resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, difference or mistake. But Forgetting is dismissing from the mind. The only 2 things these 2 words have in common are their first three letters. I can and will always forgive someone, but i NEVER forget what they've done. Maybe it's my semi-photographic memory, but I never forget what people have done to me, and I never will.

Forgiving has this connotation of being this very long, grueling process that causes emotional damage, but that's where people get confused. That is actually forgetting. Forgiving is just giving someone another chance. Forgetting is ignoring why you have to give them a second chance in the first place.

I still remember the grudges I've held since 5th grade. I will never forget. There was this girl in my class who had a crush on my "boyfriend" at the time. Yes I say boyfriend in quotations because all we ever did was call each other names and make each other cry. I use that term VERY loosely. But anyway, I liked him and he liked me and she was never in the picture. But then one day she decides to tell him that he can do better than me and that he deserves a girl like her. HA. Don't you just LOVE 5th grade soap operas? SO great. So she tried to kiss him and he pushed her away and then we all walked back into the classroom from recess. Except her. She sat on her ass and cried like a baby because she got denied by a fifth grade boy. But to this day, I hate her for ever assuming she is greater than another human being. Oh and for trying to kiss my boyfriend. Moral of the story? I forgave her and her fifth grade foolishness, but I still haven't forgotten what she did.

Or, my sophomore year when this girl decided to spread a rumor that I hooked up with her boyfriend.... Yeah. Trust me when I say, you will never understand my hatred for this girl. And this was 1 of the many rumors she spread. Rumor after rumor I forgave her for what she said (I don't know why, she is a waste of a human being anyway), but I will never forget every single lying word that came out of her big, disproportionately shaped lips. I'm not bitter at all. Can you tell?

But the point is, be careful what you do, what you say, and how you do and say it, because no matter how many times someone forgives you, they will never forget what you did. Choose every single word and step you take wisely, because making a mistake is like stepping into wet cement. The cement wills till harden and people will still be able to walk on it, but your footprint will always be there.

hey cupid, would you mind shooting both of us next time.

it was no coincidence that i happened to be wearing all black on valentine's day. i hate valentine's day. it's just so pointless. it gives couples a day to celebrate their love-which they should do all the time anyway. and it gives single people a day to realize how pathetic they really are. really. i mean come on. the fact that Singles Awareness Day has SAD as an acronym is not an accident. While all my friends were out on hot dates with their boyfriends or guys they were dating, i had a hot date with a treadmill. maybe my valentine got my hot and sweaty, but at least their valentine's could speak. i felt so pathetic. i was one of 5 people at the gym. 5. it was great knowing that i was one of 5 people who are actually single on valentine's day.

i just hate seeing all the pink and red and hearts. everywhere. balloons. candy. flowers. blah. blah. blah. do you realize how many trees and plants we kill with the amount of flowers and greeting cards we give out on valentine's day. i think mother nature is the only one who can complain more about valentine's day than i can. and trust me. i could go on for days. I'm like the scrooge of valentine's day. by the end of the day, people were using the phrase "don't be such a Karly" when anyone was being a Debbie downer. whatever. it's a stupid holiday. stupid and cupid do not coincidentally rhyme. okay maybe they do. but still. i mean who listens to a kid in a diaper shooting heart shaped bow and arrows.

also, where the hell did cupid learn archery BECAUSE HE FRICKIN SUCKS AT IT. for doing this as a career, he sure does suck at it. i mean even i have better aim than him. he always seems to manage to forget to shoot both of us. he always shoots me and i fall in love but always happens to miss the guy he should have shot. and it's not even like he accidentally hits somebody else, he misses completely. and then i am stuck dealing with the consequences. so cupid, would you mind shooting BOTH of us next time? thanks.

grow a pear.

you know when you are at the gym and there is a guy obviously staring at you. He follows you from machine to machine, trying to be nonchalant but failing more miserably than i failed calculus. so you take off you headphones to give him a chance to talk to you, and what does he do? NOTHING. or you know that guy who you make eye contact with every day in the hall way, and it's not just any kind of eye contact buy like eye sex eye contact. And then you randomly run into him either after school, or at the store, or a coffee shop; and he has the perfect opportunity to introduce himself and he DOESN'T. it's so incredibly frustrating. i mean seriously. i think it's more embarrassing to obviously check someone out and then not talk to them than to go up and introduce yourself to them. it's also really creepy when someone admires you from afar but doesn't actually do anything about it. If all you want to do is look at me, take a picture. i promise it will last longer. so here is a message to all boys out there: GROW A PAIR. 

people are too concerned with their image and how people perceive them that they don't realize how many opportunities they miss out on. Don't get me wrong, the tough macho man act is attractive at first, but the fact that you have the confidence to start a conversation with a complete stranger, is not only flattering to the girl, but its really attractive too. don't know what to day? here, let me help you, or at least let google help me, help you.

• step 1: greet the person with a friendly smile.
• step 2: ask a general question that could spark conversation like "hey, you look familiar from somewhere!" you can then proceed to ask where you may know them from (even if you know that you don't). you will figure out what their hobbies are so that way you can see what you have in common.
• step 3: use the info that you secret acquired to spark general conversation. pay attention to little details to compliment them on (but only throw compliments in when appropriate- you're trying to flatter them, not creep them out).

• tip 1: don't just hear the response, listen to it. it will help spark conversation topics.
• tip 2: keep to general topics like music, sports, television shows, movies, food, etc. they are easy to talk about and so general that if things get awkward, you can bring the conversation to an end.
• tip 3: watch body language. it sometimes speaks louder than words.

Now you really don't have the excuse that you "don't know what to say" because that is not true. i just outlined an entire conversation for you that a monkey could carry. you never know if you will get the chance to have a conversation with that person again, so if i were you i would take any opportunity you get.

you feel like you're drowning but you've still got breath.

I think one of the hardest things in the world is watching someone with something you deserve. You want it and you know you deserve it, but someone else has it. and it's right in front of you. and there's nothing you can do. in the great words of the script "it feels like you're drowning but you've still got breath." it's kind of a hopeless feeling and its absolutely terrible. and horrible. and no good. It happens to me all the time, with relationships, with careers, with school. it happens to everyone everywhere. I'm a firm believer in being fair, so if it happens to everyone, wouldn't it be just as fair if it didn't happen to anyone? I don't know about you, but i think that sounds fair.

With music and the industry being the way it is, it sucks to see people sitting on the top when they didn't actually perform their way up there. unfortunately, everything has a price. anything can be bought. even success. so while i'm sitting here hovering right above the bottom, and i know that i have what it takes to be sitting comfortably right on the top, it bothers me. it gives me that awful feeling in my stomach like someone just punched me with every ounce of strength they have in their body. and the only thing i can do is "be patient" and "keep trying," according to everyone else in the universe. i'm sorry. i am not patient. do NOT tell me to wait.

Or when you see a girl with the guy you like. and you know it's your hand that fits perfectly in his. and no matter how much you want him to see it, no matter how obvious it is, no matter how strong the magnifying glass he is looking through, he'll never see it. knowing that someone else has something that you want with all your heart is literally heart breaking. yes i know that your heart is a muscle and it cannot actually break. But it sure does feel like it.

and i don't know about guys, but girls will find any connection or "sign" that they can just to justify to themselves that they deserve it. i hate to break it to the girl population, but just because you you both have the same color eyes does not mean you are meant to be together. just because you both love the same song or same show, does not mean that you are destined to spend eternity together. cause if it did, we'd all be living in a polygamous, STD infected, constant orgy. I wish it were that easy. but it's not. if life were easy, it'd be your mom.

a dialogue can quickly turn into a monologue if you don't say anything worth responding to.

i hate those conversations where every response you get is one of the following: "haha", "ya", "kk", "ok", "yeah", or the worst one, "lol". "LOL"... really? I'm pretty sure if i was funny enough to make you laugh out loud then you would have more to say. or "kk", do you realize that you are only one more k away from the white supremacist group? or "haha". if i'm not actually making you laugh, don't pretend. i know that i am actually funny and i do not need your pretend laugh to fill some missing void. if my message isn't worth responding to, then don't. cause i promise if you ever send me a "ya", "kk", or "lol" i will NOT respond. LOL is like a noncoding codon that stops protein synthesis, except it stops conversation. 

I'd seriously rather talk to myself. at least i know that i can carry a conversation and crack semi-funny jokes and throw random puns in there for shits and giggles. but it seriously drives me nuts when people cannot carry a conversation. my 78 year old grandma can carry better conversations than half the people i converse with on a daily basis and she barely speaks English. i mean seriously. there are SO many things to talk about. talk about sports. i may not understand, but i can totally deal with listening to you ramble on about who the Lakers beat or who won the world series. i may not completely understand, but I'll pretend like I'm enjoying the conversation. Or movies, there have been so many movies made and so many in theaters, there has to be at least a dozen that we have both seen, and i can probably quote most of them. Or tell me how your day was. if your day sucked, tell me some exciting story about how you found an ostrich-sea gull hybrid in the middle of the night while you were driving around. i don't care if it actually happened or not. and when i ask you what you are doing, if you say "nm" we are no longer friends. really, I'm i seriously only worth a 2 letter response?

one of the most frustrating things in the world is when you feel like you aren't getting the attention of someone who you are conversing with. it's as if you aren't important enough for them to listen to. i know that i talk a lot. like a lot. but at least i am trying to uphold conversation. i understand that sometimes i talk too much. I'm Italian. i talk loud, fast, and in large amounts. sometimes i amaze myself with the amount of words i can squeeze into one breath. but that's the thing, at least I'm trying. and when you talk to me, i will give you the attention you deserve.

basically what I'm saying here is I'd rather talk to myself than have a conversation with someone who thinks I'm only worth a 2-3 letter response. at least i know that i can carry conversation and can convincingly act like I'm interested in what I'm talking about.

the science of love

Maybe it's just because I'm obsessed with the script's new album, but i can't help but listen to it over and over again and i keep listening to this one song, which happens to be the song the album is named after. It's called "science and faith," and the best lyrics are in the chorus. It says:

" you won't find faith or hope down a telescope.
you won't find heart or soul in the stars.

you can break everything down into chemicals,

but you can't explain a love like ours."

basically it's saying you can honestly find an explanation to everything except love. When it comes to love, there is no right or wrong answer; there is no formula or theory; there is no equation. Love is unexplainable. You can't control who you love, nor can you control who loves you. You can't make someone feel any specific way; you can't make someone love you when they don't. You also can't stop someone from loving you. There's no secret book or bible on love. it's something you just have to figure out on your own.

I think the hardest thing to accept about love is that there is no controlling it. it's one thing in life that no one can control. i don't care how intelligent you are, you will never be able to prove to me that there is a right way to do anything involving love. It's hard to accept things that are out of our hands. Sometimes, though, we just have to accept it without explanation. The thing we want the most is always the thing that we can't have. That's part of love. It's the fact that if love isn't mutual, it's not love at all. Love is a two way street. No turns, no merging lanes. just two lanes. the light has to be green for both lanes at the same time. if not, it doesn't work. And I don't know about you, but I hate sitting at stoplights. I think we waste so much time at stoplights just sitting there. doing nothing. and we can't change the fact that the light is red. It's the same thing with love. We sit there waiting for someone else to feel a certain way, but there's nothing we can do to change the way they feel. So we sit there, doing nothing, when we should have just taken the freeway.

That's my new philosophy on love. It's a two way street. Some people think it's worth risking having to wait at a light forever; others find it easier just to not have to deal with love at all, to take the freeway. I've driven the side streets enough times to know that I always hit the red lights. I've learned to always take the freeway. always.

"reading between the lines" is synonymous for "over analyzing"

Reading between the lines is just the more justifiable way of saying over analyzing. We think that by looking up, down, around, and in between the words that we hear or read, that we will find something that's not already there; but trust me, you won't. I'm the most over analytical person, as I feel most of the female species is. I analyze everything any one says down to the the punctuation. I mean there is a distinct difference between "hey!" and "hellooooo" and "hi." Don't deny it. You know you've analyzed it too. We convince ourselves that everyone is playing a mind game with us, so we play it back. But in doing so, we just create an even bigger mind game. It's like who can boggle the other person's brain more. We try to be sly and secretive about how we feel, but really we all basically wear our hearts on our sleeves- if we mean to or not.

There's no hiding how we feel unless you are an extremely internal and introverted person. I know I am NOT. You can tell EXACTLY how I feel at all times just by the look on my face. And if for some reason you can't, you can ask me and I'll tell you EXACTLY how I feel. I just don't like mind games. My brain hurts too much from school and work and the rest of the curve balls life throws at me; I'd rather not have to analyze your feelings towards me at the moment just by a salutation. No thank you. But even though I don't want to, I do any way. There's no stopping it. I'm an over analytical person. I except it. But boy does it ever hurt my brain.

I don't know if guys are as analytical as girls are, but I can tell you from experience that girls will sit there staring at a text message trying to decode it as if it was written in a completely hieroglyphic foreign language. We sit there and read it word by word, and at different speeds, as if change the emphasis on certain words will uncover a hidden meaning. But it doesn't. Yet we still find one. I feel like sometimes we revert back to the old ways of elementary school when punching someone in the face meant you liked them. Or chasing someone around the field until you were both completely out of breath and about to pass out meant you thought they were cute. I don't know what sort of perverse mind set that is, but some people seem to never grow out of it.

It's the ignorance within us that wants to believe that if we can't find something that it is still there. We try and convince ourselves that just because we can't find it, doesn't mean it's not there. Sometimes it's just not. We have to just accept it sometimes and move on. But it's hard to distinguish when its the right time to stop looking or when we still haven't looked hard enough. With my experience in this subject, it seems to be that as soon as you stop looking for it, you stumble upon it accidentally. But who knows, maybe that's just me and my clumsy, over analytical self.